‘It feels like a nightmare I’m a boy’

In the article, “Supporting Boys and Girls When the Line Isn’t Clear” (New York Times, December 2^nd, 2006), the idea of whether adults should support gender varied youngsters is questioned. A recent trend shows that more and more parents, teachers, and psychiatrists are allowing children to express themselves in whichever gender role they choose, whether it is their biological one or not. This support is believed to help these children feel more secure and confident which will then lead to decreased instances of depression and suicidal feelings; a problem that many transgender children have had in the past.

Doctors and psychiatrists across the country have been divided on the best way to handle a child who wants to live as the opposite gender. Should the parents allow their child to act as they wish and risk being socially exiled or should the parents step in and stop such actions until the child is old enough to truly question their gender identity? It seems that many doctors are tending to recommend that the parents support the child’s gender variance, rather than forcing their biological gender. Dr. Edgardo Menvielle, a child psychiatrist from Washington, supports this theory. He believes that “the goal is for the child to be well adjusted, healthy and have good self-esteem. What’s not important is molding their gender.” However, there are doctors who do not agree and believe that these children should be shown, through counseling, how to be happy with their biological gender. Dr. Kenneth Zucker, who disagrees with the approach of letting kids act out whatever gender they choose, believes that children should be taught that they need to act in the way their biological gender is meant to. He believes that this can be done through “encouraging same-sex friendships and activities like board games that move beyond strict gender roles.” There is no clear answer as to which approach is the right one, but there is evidence that supports allowing children to live as whichever gender they choose. Dr. Robin Dea, who works with several transgender children under the age of fifteen, has done research that shows that children who are supported in their gender play “are much happier, and their grades are up.” Based on her research she says that she is “waiting for a study that says supporting these children is negative.”

Support in school systems has also been on the rise, with many states passing laws that protect the rights of transgender students. For example, in Oakland, California, teachers use vocabulary that is gender neutral and they focus on not making students feel that they must be one gender or the other. These teachers even line students up by shoe color rather than by gender. Forward steps like these are being taken across the country, but there is still some hesitation about abolishing the gender binary in schools. Jennifer Schwartz, an assistant principal for an elementary school in Illinois, thinks that in her school system it would be very hard to have such an open atmosphere. She states, “I’m not sure it’s worth the damage it could cause a child, with all the prejudices and parents possibly protesting. I’m not sure a child that age is ready to make that kind of decision.” This thought leaves many parents questioning what they should do with their child who insists on dressing as the opposite gender. The article discusses several families that are dealing with gender-varied children and how they have decided to take on this sensitive issue. One family decided that they are going to support their 5-year-old son who wears dresses to school and insists on being referred to as “she.” They work very hard to make sure their child’s life is as easy as it can be. They have chosen a school that is open and supervise his playmates and their parents to ensure that those who would judge do not surround their child. The mother expressed how difficult it has been allowing her son to live as a girl. She says “every social encounter, every time you go out to eat, every day feeling like a balance between your kid’s self-esteem and protecting him from the hostile outside world.” As hard as it has been for these parents to support their son, they know that they are doing the right thing, especially when they hear him say, “It feels like a nightmare I’m a boy.” The efforts they make to shield him from criticism are great, but what is even more outstanding is the fact that they are allowing their son to live, as he feels comfortable, not forcing a gender on him simply because of his biological make-up.

It is hard to say who is making the correct choice in how to raise a child that is transgender. There are positives and negatives to both methods of handling children who choose to live as the opposite gender. I believe that parents, teachers, and doctors should mainly focus on the child’s development as a human, in example, their self-esteem and social skills, and worry less about what gender they play. If the child is happy acting like the other gender, then they should be supported in that, not forced to fit into a mold of how little boys and girls should act. Everyone is an individual, regardless of age, and they should be allowed to express themselves however they choose. The steps towards acceptance in schools and from parents is reassuring that one day our society may break free from the gender binary that suppresses us.